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TitleRadical Candor: Be a Kick-Ass Boss Without Losing Your Humanity
Author
LanguageEnglish
File Size8.1 MB
Total Pages238
Table of Contents
                            Title Page
Copyright Notice
Dedication
Introduction
How to Use this Book
Part I: A New Management Philosophy
1. Build Radically Candid Relationships: Bringing your whole self to work
2. Get, Give, and Encourage Guidance: Creating a culture of open communication
3. Understand What Motivates Each Person on Your Team: Helping people take a step in the direction of their dreams
4. Drive Results Collaboratively: Telling people what to do doesn’t work
Part II: Tools & Techniques
5. Relationships: An approach to establishing trust with your direct reports
6. Guidance: Ideas for getting/giving/encouraging praise & criticism
7. Team: Techniques for avoiding boredom and burnout
8. Results: Things you can do to get stuff done together—faster
Notes
	Notes 1
	Notes 2
	Notes 3
	Notes 4
	Notes 5
	Notes 6
Getting Started
Acknowledgments
Index
About the Author
Newsletter Sign-up
Copyright
                        
Document Text Contents
Page 119

empathetic. Conversely, don’t feel bad when the other person doesn’t want to be
hugged. And if you are not comfortable with a hug, it’s OK too. When Russ Laraway
read these pages, he immediately asked me not to hug him.

To show that you “care personally” with your hugs, you have to obey the “platinum
rule.” The “golden rule” says do unto others as you’d have them do unto you. The
“platinum rule” says, figure out what makes the other person comfortable, and do that.
If most people on your team are comfortable with hugs but a couple are not, you need to
figure out a way to make sure that they don’t feel excluded from all those hugs they
don’t want. Use your words!)

But if you do what Bill Campbell did for Stacy, and offer the kind of Radically
Candid hug that opens a person’s mind and heart to learning something new, or to
growing in some way, you’ll leave the world just a little bit happier.

Go ahead. Try it. I dare you! It’s fine to push yourself past your comfort zone, but
not fine to make others uncomfortable, so try it only with people who to be
hugged!

Recognizing your own emotions

“I know what kind of day I’m gonna have by the kind of mood you’re in when you
walk in the door,” Russ told me one morning when we worked together at Google. I’ve
rarely felt so ashamed. I thought I was pretty even-keeled and that I had a good poker
face during tough times. He saw I was upset and gave me some credit without backing
off his direct challenge: “You at least not to take it out on us. But still, we all notice
what kind of mood you’re in. Everybody notices what kind of mood the boss is in. We
have to. It’s adaptive.”

What did I need to do to make sure that my whole team didn’t have a worse day just
because I was having a bad one? It’s here that the imperative to bring your whole self to
work can collide with the negative impacts of doing just that. But repressing those
feelings tends not to work, either. You can’t successfully hide how you feel from people
who work closely with you. You don’t want to take your bad days out on your team, but
nor can you hide the fact you’re not at your best. The best you can do is to own up to
how you feel and what’s going on in the rest of your life, so others don’t feel your mood
is their fault.

I learned simply to say something along the lines of, “Hey, I’m having a shitty day.
I’m trying hard not to be grouchy, but if it seems like I have a short fuse today, I do. It’s
not because of you or your work, though. It’s because I had a big argument with a friend
[or whatever].”

If you have a truly terrible emotional upset in your life, stay home for a day. You
don’t want to spread it around any more than you’d want to spread a bad virus around

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the office, and emotions are just as contagious as germs. Mental-health days should be
taken more seriously than they are.

Master your reactions to others’ emotions

Many people cross a dangerous emotional boundary when they become the boss.
They try to manage other people’s emotions. This is a big overstep. All people,
including the people who report to you, are responsible for their own emotional lives.
There are fewer faster paths to Manipulative Insincerity than imagining you can control
another person’s emotional reactions or maneuver around them. To build Radically
Candid relationships, do not try to prevent, control, or manage other people’s emotions.
Do acknowledge them and react compassionately when emotions run high. And do try
to master your reactions to other people’s emotions.

You already know how to react to emotion with compassion. You do it all the time
in your personal life. Somehow, at work we are primed to forget these basics. Here are
some pointers on reacting with compassion—things you probably do instinctively with
other relationships but may not be doing at work:

Acknowledge emotions. Emotional reactions can offer important clues to help you better
understand what’s really going on with the people you manage. They can offer you a
shortcut to the heart of the matter. So don’t respond to outbursts or sullen silences by
pretending they are not happening. Don’t try to mitigate them by saying things like,
“It’s not personal,” or “Let’s be professional.” Instead say, “I can see you’re
mad/frustrated/elated/____”

Ask questions. When somebody is frustrated or angry or upset enough about a situation
at work that they react emotionally, this is your cue to keep asking questions until you
understand what the real issue is. Don’t over-direct the conversation; just keep listening
and it will become clear.

Adding your guilt to other people’s difficult emotions doesn’t make them feel better. People I’ve
managed or coached have often come to me distraught after they gave guidance to
somebody who started crying. “What should I have done differently?” they ask. Maybe
they handled the situation perfectly. Just because somebody is crying or yelling doesn’t
mean you’ve done anything wrong; it just means they are upset. If you feel guilty about
the fact that they are upset, you’re more likely to have a defensive reaction than a
compassionate one. Your defensive reaction can lead you, in turn, to unintentionally
patronizing or cold behavior. People spend a huge portion of their lives at work. They
generally care about their work. they get upset when things go wrong. When

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Page 238

CONTENTS

Title Page
Copyright Notice
Dedication
Introduction
How to Use this Book

Part I: A New Management Philosophy
1. Build Radically Candid Relationships: Bringing your whole self to work
2. Get, Give, and Encourage Guidance: Creating a culture of open communication
3. Understand What Motivates Each Person on Your Team: Helping people take a step in the direction of their
dreams
4. Drive Results Collaboratively: Telling people what to do doesn’t work

Part II: Tools & Techniques
5. Relationships: An approach to establishing trust with your direct reports
6. Guidance: Ideas for getting/giving/encouraging praise & criticism
7. Team: Techniques for avoiding boredom and burnout
8. Results: Things you can do to get stuff done together—faster

Notes
Getting Started
Acknowledgments
Index
About the Author
Copyright

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