Download Here's the Situation: A Guide to Creeping on Chicks, Avoiding Grenades, and Getting in Your GTL on the Jersey Shore PDF

TitleHere's the Situation: A Guide to Creeping on Chicks, Avoiding Grenades, and Getting in Your GTL on the Jersey Shore
LanguageEnglish
File Size3.4 MB
Total Pages132
Table of Contents
                            Cover Page
Title Page
Copyright Page
Contents
	Introduction
	Part One: As Per Pregaming: GTL and Beyond
		Chapter One: Gym
		Chapter Two: Tanning
		Chapter Three: Laundry (aka Personal Style)
		Chapter Four: The GTL Remix
	Part Two: As Per The Scene
		Chapter Five: The Jersey Shore
		Chapter Six: Creeping in da Club and Elsewheres
		Chapter Seven: Wingmen and Grenades
		Chapter Eight: Sticky Situations
	Part Three: As Per Life
		Chapter Nine: Mangia
		Chapter Ten: Your Life Partner
		Chapter Eleven: Giving Back
		Chapter Twelve: On Fame and Such
	Final Thoughts
                        
Document Text Contents
Page 1

MIKE “THE SITUATION” SORRENTINO
and Chris Millis

A Guide to Creeping on Chicks,Avoiding Grenades, and Getting in Your GTLon the Jersey Shore

Page 66

62 HERE’S THE S ITUATION

teams. Though my team also rolls in with military discipline, it’s
nothing compared to the exacting ferocity of our brother creepers in
special ops. In the spirit of their can-do attitudes, and on-the-fly
decision-making skills, the term “SEAL” has evolved in clubcraft par-
lance into “Situation’s Evolving Ad Lib.” This acronym is code for
when you and your wingman need to run a game, off the cuff, in a
head-to-head firefight with two chicks. Like our warrior brothers in
the armed services, you must be conversationally limber; able to
react and navigate the twists and turns of verbal jujitsu that will
impede your progress if you remain determined to close the deal
and achieve your objective. A typical SEAL conversation might run
like this:

SITCH: Yo, shake it baby. Drop it like it’s hot.
HOT CHICK: What’s up?
SITCH: You look fine tonight.
GRENADE (STUMBLES OVER): I’m tired, Angela. Let’s go.
WINGMAN (TO GRENADE): Nah, girl. Let’s get you another one of

those Jell-O shots.
GRENADE: Only if you make it two. And maybe get one for your-

self while you’re at it.
WINGMAN: (Sigh).
SITCH (WHISPERING): Want to come back to my crib? I got a

hot tub.
GRENADE: That sounds fun.
SITCH (TO GRENADE): Anyway, this hot tub is very small. It can’t

really accommodate more than two people.
GRENADE: I think I’m gonna be sick.
WINGMAN: Try this Jägerbomb. It’ll counteract the Jell-O shots.
GRENADE: I think I, like, love you or something. (She slaps him.)

I hate you.
WINGMAN (TO SITCH, ANNOYED): Clock’s ticking, bro.
GRENADE (TO WINGMAN): Don’t cond-send me. I’m smart. Hey,

Page 67

63 Creeping in da Club and Elsewheres

Angela, you have a boyfriend! (Slaps wingman.) I totally love
you.

SITCH: So whaddya say? You coming home with me or what?
ANGELA: I don’t even know you.
SITCH (LIFTS SHIRT): What more do you need to know?
GRENADE (VOMITS): I need my stomach pumped.
WINGMAN: Yo! I need my fist pumped.
(WINGMAN AND SITCH HIGH FIVE.)

GRENADE: Where’s the hospital?
ANGELA (FONDLING SITCH’S SIX-PACK, TO GRENADE): I’ll call you

a cab.

Once you’ve made contact, you have to identify who’s a grenade
and who’s DTF.

W h a t I s D T F ?

When Sitch is on the road, I love to creep the local talent. A fun trip
away from home can be made all the more enjoyable when I am
pleasantly surprised by the sheer volume and variety of beautiful
women in a given locale. Never have I been more delighted by this
than when I first visited the Midwest. Throughout my appearances
in Ohio, Michigan, and Minnesota I was blown away by the beauty
and charm of the women I met. I remember entering a sold-out ap­
pearance at a club in Detroit where the ratio of beautiful girls to
guys was at least 7 to 1. Certain cities have an energy all their own
and that Detroit event was definitely unique. So many girls were
screaming their lungs out and hysterical crying—it was absolutely
insane! When I entered, all the women in the club were chanting,
“DTF! DTF!” as a take-off on GTL. I had no idea what they were
referring to and neither did the rest of my team. The club owner

Page 131

132 HERE’S THE S ITUATION

The first step is arguably the most difficult: Select a fabric that
closely mimics my radiant skin tone. (Tip: Bring home swatches
from the store and hold them beside the television whenever I’m on
screen. For best results, use HD technology.)

Cut the fabric as shown in a rounded fashion, allowing a half-inch seam around
the circumference.

Lay one pseudo-ab atop the other. Pin them together, leaving space for an opening.

Page 132

133 Final Thoughts

Sew around the ab-pillow, leaving that half-inch seam allowance and stopping short
of the opening. Turn the pillow right side out and iron it flat.

Visit your local quarry and ask the foreman to fill your pillow
with either dense, hard-packed gravel, or a slab of granite cut to size
with a wet saw. (Note: Granite is smooth and will best simulate the
feel of my actual abdominals, but any rock that registers 7 or more
on the Mohs’ scale of mineral hardness will do.)

Sew closed the opening with tiny whipstitches. Voila! Enjoy your
official Sitch ab-pillow.

Feel free to embroider your new ab-pillow with any of your fa­
vorite Sitch quotes. Such as, “Don’t push it too far with me or I’ll
throw you in the trunk.” Or, “This situation is gonna be indescrib­
able. You can’t even describe the situation that you’re about to get
into this situation.” Or, “Everybody loves The Situation. And if you
don’t love The Situation, I’m going to make you love The Situation.”

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